Script for Hamnet

"HAMNET" ==== Shakespeare's play adapted for irc

First performed 12 December 1993 20:00 GMT on #Hamnet
copyright 1993 The Hamnet Players, San Diego, CA
all enquiries to: hn2563@handsnet.org
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THE COMPLETE SCRIPT........OFFICIAL SOUVENIR EDITION
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<audience> rhubarb...
**<< Action >>** : _The CURTAIN RISES to reveal the stage set...

<_Set> :
<_Set>    ______*          ______*                *______          *______
<_Set>   <      |         <      |                |      >         |      >
<_Set>   <______|         <______|                |______>         |______>
<_Set>          |                |                |                
<_Set>      ^^^^^^^^^        ^^^^^^^^^        ^^^^^^^^^        ^^^^^^^^^
<_Set>      |   +   |        |   +   |        |   +   |        |   +   |
<_Set>      |   +   |________|   +   |________|   +   |________|   +   |
<_Set>      |                                                          
<_Set>      |   +       +        +       +        +       +        +   |
<_Set>      |___                                                    ___|
<_Set>         |        +        +       +        +       +         |
<_Set>         |                                                    |
<_Set>         |        +        +   __________   +       +         |
<_Set>         |                     |########|                     |
<_Set>       / |        +        +   |########|   +       +         |\.
<_Set>     /   |                     |        |                     |  \
<_Set>   /     |_____________________| |||||| |_____________________| .  \.
<_Set> /  .       .               .    ||||||             .               .\.
<_Set> _______________________________ |||||| ______________________________
<_Set>                 
<_Set>                 W E L C O M E   T O   E L S I N O R E!!!  
<_Set>                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<_Set>      [0]

<audience> Clap,clap,clap.... etc.... [1]
=====PROLOGUE /TOPIC World_Premiere _irc_Hamlet_in_Progress [2]
*** PROLOGUE has changed the topic on channel #Hamnet to "World_Premiere _irc_Hamlet_in_Progress"
<PROLOGUE> All the world's a Unix term.... [3]
<PROLOGUE> ...and all the men & women merely irc addicts.... [4]
<PROLOGUE> This show is Copyright 1993 The Hamnet Players [5]
<PROLOGUE> Enjoy our show + no heckling plz [6]
<PROLOGUE> Script should not be re-staged w/out permish [7]
**<< Action >>** : SCENE 1: THE BATTLEMENTS [8]
**<< Action >>** : _Enter Hamlet [9]
**<< Action >>** : _Enter Ghost [10]
<Hamlet> re, Ghost. Zup? [11]
<Ghost> Yr uncle's fucking yr mum. I'm counting on u to /KICK the bastard. [12]
======== GHOST /MODE * +o Hamlet [13]
*** Mode change "+o Hamlet" on channel #Hamnet by Ghost
<Hamlet> Holy shit!!!! Don't op me, man!!!! I've gotta think abt this, + I've got chem lab in 1/2 hr. :-(((( [14]
**<< Action >>** : _Exit Hamlet [15]

**<< Action >>** : SCENE 2: AFTER HAMLET'S CHEM LAB [16]
<Hamlet> 2b or not 2b... [17]
<Hamlet> Hmmmmmm... [18]
<Hamlet> :-( Bummer... [19]
<Hamlet> Ooops, here comes Ophelia [20]
**<< Action >>** : _Enter Ophelia [21]
<Ophelia> Here's yr stuff back [22]
<Hamlet> Not mine, love. Hehehehehe ;-D [23]
<Ophelia> O heavenly powers: restore him! [24]
**<< Action >>** Ophelia thinks Hamlet's nuts [25]
<Hamlet> Make that "sanity-deprived", pls.... [26]
<Hamlet> Oph: suggest u /JOIN #nunnery [27]
<Ophelia> :-( [28]
*** Signoff: Ophelia (drowning) [29]

**<< Action >>** : SCENE 3: INTERIOR [30]
**<< Action >>** : _Enter R_krantz [31]
**<< Action >>** : _Enter G_stern [32]
<R_krantz> re [33]
<G_stern> re [34]
<Hamlet> re, guys... :-\ [35]
<R_krantz> zup? [36]
<Hamlet> Fucked if i know. brb... [37]
**<< Action >>** : _Exit Hamlet in a sulk. [38]
<G_stern> fuckza matter w/him? [39]
<R_krantz> Guess he must be lagged. Let's lurk [40]
**<< Action >>** : R_krantz lurks [41]
**<< Action >>** : G_stern lurks [42]

**<< Action >>** : SCENE 4: THE QUEEN'S CLOSET [43]
<Hamlet> Ma: what the fuck's going on? [44]
<Queen> Don't flame me, i'm yr Ma! [45]
<Queen> Er.... [46]
<Prompter> Psst! Thou hast thy father much offended.. [47]
<Queen> Oh, right.... Yr dad's pissed at u [48]
**<< Action >>** : Hamlet slashes at the arras [49]
<Polonius> Arrrghhhh!!! [50]
========= HAMLET /KICK * Polonius [51]
*** Polonius has been kicked off channel #Hamnet by Hamlet
<Queen> Now look what u've done u little nerd. :-( [52]
<Hamlet> Wrong man...... Bummer... [53]

**<< Action >>** : SCENE 5: GRUESOME FINALE [54]
========= QUEEN /TOPIC DEATH [55]
*** Queen has changed the topic on channel #Hamnet to "DEATH"
**<< Action >>** : _Enter Hamlet, Queen, King, Laertes, R_krantz, G_stern [56]
**<< Action >>** : Queen takes a drink [57]
**<< Action >>** : King gives Ham & Laer swords [58]
<King> Go for it, lads! [59]
**<< Action >>** : Laertes stabs Hamlet [60]
**<< Action >>** : Hamlet stabs Laertes [61]
**<< Action >>** : Hamlet stabs King [62]
<Queen> Holy shit this Danish vodka is like poison :-@ [63]
<Hamlet> and u always thought i was just wasting my time in chem lab, hehehe [64]
**<< Action >>** : Queen dies in agony [65]
<King> Aaaaarrgghhh! [66]
**<< Action >>** : King dies [67]
<Laertes> AAaaaarrrrrrhhhhh!!!! [68]
**<< Action >>** : Laertes dies [69]
<Hamlet> AAAAaaaaaarrrrrrhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [70]
**<< Action >>** : Hamlet dies [71]
**<< Action >>** : R_krantz + G_stern GULP!!!!!! [72]
**<< Action >>** : _Enter Fortinbras + drum + colours + attendants [73]
<Fort_bras> EEEEEEEuuuuuucchhhhhh!!!!!! What's been hpng here? [74]
<Drum> Like, rat-a-tat, man [75]
<Colours> Hmmmmmmm...... [76]
<Attndts> Holy sheeeeet!!!!! [77]
============ FORT_BRAS /NICK _King [78]
** Fort_bras is now knwn as _King
**<< Action >>** _The CURTAIN SLOWLY FALLS. {{{{{{{--THE END--}}}}}}} [79]
<audience> hmmmmmmmm..... [80]